Movies are kicking TV’s ass this month.

Mission: Impossible 7 – Dead Reckoning Part 1

The movies are in trouble. Movie theaters are basically becoming giant hospice centers, nurturing a once standard but now almost archaic way of cinema viewing. International superstar and Xenu’s sworn enemy, Tom Cruise knows this and goddamnit, he’s going to give his life in an effort to save these wonderful and important institutions. Whether it’s driving a motorcycle off a big ass mountain or scaling the Burj Khalifa, that crazy son of a (top) gun always delivers and Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One is no different. Easily Cruise‘s most entertaining and renowned film franchise, Mission: Impossible has lasted seven entries, and while that would be a sign of diminished returns for most intellectual properties, these little fuckers keep getting better. Sure, there are parts of Dead Reckoning Part One that are confusing as all hell and make absolutely no sense – everything involving the A.I. algorithm villain for example – but, there is never a moment in 163 minutes of movie that ever drop the viewer’s attention. Overall I think the last entry, Fallout, was the best overall of the franchise, but this one has at least five or six extended action and/or suspenseful sequences that keep you on the edge of your seat. I’ll put it this way, it was the only movie I’ve ever seen in AZ Mills’ IMAX that I never thought about how bad my freakin’ back hurt from those dinky little seats. Look, I know movie theaters or just going anywhere in public is a real pain in the ass, but Dead Reckoning Part One won’t be the same on your phone or home television center. If there was ever a movie event this summer worth risking the infliction of dealing with other people, it’s this one. It’s not perfect and you can really pick nits with the borderline implausible plot, but it begs to be seen in a theater. Grade: B+ (In Theaters)

Talk to Me (early review)

A24’s hottest new offering – an Australian ghost story about how shitty and downright stupid teens can be is one half a great horror movie that unfortunately stumbles in its second half. Talk to Me opens with such a confident, clear vision – a wonderful behind-the-back single-take tracking shot that perfectly sets up how ruthless and mean of a tale this is going to be. It introduces a handful of well developed and believable teens who are actually likable due in no small part to the quality of young actors portraying the roles. Our protagonist is Mia, played superbly by Aussie television actress Sophie Wilde, a smart but wounded teen reeling over the undetermined suicide of her mother. One night she and her friends go to a party where for some reason (really takes a big logic leap) the bully teens have discovered a hand cast that allows you to see ghosts when you touch it and allow you to be possessed if you ask while touching it. They blast these possessions all over social media and yet no adults or American ghost hunters catch onto the fact they’re doing this. They capture the “indisputable evidence” Zak Bagans and all the other ghost adventurers are always claiming they have. Anyway, shit goes south in a way I won’t reveal and thrusts these teens into a position where they have to fight for their lives and the lives of those around them.

One thing Talk to Me does surprisingly well is deploying humor which adds a nice balance to how dark shit gets. Lord of the Rings actress Miranda Otto is excellent here, scoring most of the movie’s biggest laughs as Mia’s friend’s mom. The humor almost hits more than the actual horror movie set pieces which can feel a bit underwhelming at times despite the intensity of the material. The spookiest moments are the most subtle, out of focus shots of ghost faces/figures nonchalantly haunting the frame. However, as the plot goes on and becomes more complicated and convoluted and less believable, shit inevitably becomes less scary and less urgent. The second half feels like a leaking bag, gradually losing its momentum with each passing scene. The ending is smart but we come to a sad realization it would have hit a lot harder had the final scenes leading up to it been tighter and more focused. Talk to Me announces the arrival of a seriously talented twin brother filmmaker team – Danny and Michael Philippou – but we get the feeling their best work is still ahead of them. This is a film that’s just good enough for us to really want it to be better. Grade: B (In Theaters 7/28)

Insidious 5: The Red Door

“THERE’S FIVE OF THEM?!” responded literally every person when I told I them I saw Insidious 5: The Red Door. For those who ain’t in the know, the Insidious franchise is little more than the dumb older brother of The Conjuring franchise, a much more popular and consistent (but still not great) horror franchise also starring Patrick Wilson – who does NOT play the same character in both franchises. Both were created by James Wan, who also created the Saw franchise with Insidious writer Leigh Whannell, who had nothing to do with The Conjuring franchise. Make sense? Good. While Wan is a very good director, Whannell is a not very good writer whose original Insidious only excelled because of the visual flourishes and techniques Wan managed to deploy over a borderline incoherent screenplay.

The second Insidious, although directed by Wan, was an absolute train wreck and one of the most uninspired horror sequels of the 2010s. The third and fourth Insidious movies were prequels and while the third was actually somewhat entertaining, the fourth was so bad I couldn’t even finish it. The fifth and completely unnecessary entry ditches the prequel route and instead goes back to the original family of the first two. It’s not only starring but also directed by Patrick Wilson, who seems to be trying to shoehorn this estranged father/son drama into the most basic of Blumhouse movie templates. I imagine the conversation went something like this:

Patrick Wilson: “I want to direct a story about fathers and sons.”

Jason Blum: “We’ll give you Insidious 5.”

Patrick Wilson: “FUCK! Ok, can we at least get Rose Byrne back?”

Jason Blum: “Just for one scene. We also can’t validate your parking.”

Patrick Wilson: “GODDAMNIT.”

Although the delightful Rose Byrne is only in one scene, the kid from the 2010 original, Tye Simpkins, leads the movie and is not terrible. The actress who plays his roommate/comic relief, Sinclair Daniel, is very good however, and carries the majority of the film. The main problem with Insidious 5 is that while nothing is excruciatingly bad or poorly executed, nothing is even remotely memorable. This is horror on auto-pilot and while that may be fine for director Patrick Wilson, who is clearly more interested in the character dynamics between father and son, it kinda sucks for the audience. Not completely though, Insidious 5 is well directed because Wilson is a very talented individual, and it has uncommonly textured characters for a fourth sequel – meaning two-dimensional instead of one-dimensional. However, there is so much good stuff in theaters right now that my suggestion to you is to wait till Insidious 5 is streaming and just watch it on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Make sure you have plenty of weed, you’ll need all the help you can get with this one. Grade: C (In Theaters)

Polite Society

Feels like a Vitamix of Get Out, Everything Everywhere All at Once, and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, drenched in Indian spices and estrogen supplements. While that might not sound like a terrible meal, especially in this economy, it makes you wish We Are Lady Parts creator, Nida Manzoor‘s debut feature, Polite Society, was more of its own thing versus an uneven blend of already existing properties. That’s not to say Polite Society isn’t enjoyable, once it gets out of its own way and finally makes a decision about what it wants to do, about 2/3 into the movie, it’s a really fun ride. However, it just takes too long to get there. It certainly helps that it has a really solid lead performance at its core. Priya Kansara plays Ria Khan A.K.A. The Fury, an aspiring movie stuntwoman who must stop her older sister (a very good Rita Arya) from giving up on being an artist to be some young Indian doctor’s stay at home wife. She uses martial arts and junior Mission: Impossible tactics to stop this marriage dead in its tracks but must boss battle her sister’s future mother-in-law (a delightfully sinister Nimra Bucha) and do a traditional Indian wedding dance. It ends up being fun it just takes too long to get there. It’s 1/3 a great genre movie so I’ll give it my lowest recommendation score. Grade: B- (Peacock)