Big summer movies.

Superman

I’m not really a Superman guy. Not that I dislike him or anything, I just never watched the movies growing up. So, in preparation for Superman (2025), I went back and watched them all. The verdict? A rollercoaster of “pretty good” to “how the fuck is Richard Pryor not funny?!” with nothing that really impressed me. I didn’t have high expectations for this so I was a bit surprised that James Gunn’s take on the caped muscle boy is easily the best Superman movie since the 1978 original. The plot follows Clark Kent/Superman (David Corenswet) trying to find a work/hero balance while dealing with a rising tide of public suspicion, a few C-tier supervillains, and Lex Luthor being a petulant little fuck boi in the background.

David Corenswet might not be as instantly iconic as Christopher Reeve, but he’s probably my second favorite Superman overall, which is saying something, considering poor Brandon Routh got saddled with that insufferably boring 2006 version and Henry Cavill a laughably self-serious reboot. Corenswet brings a sort of dorky sincerity that makes the character feel more human than I’ve ever seen him. And while this definitely has the flying, smashing, and CGI boom booms you’d expect from a superhero movie, it doesn’t feel like generic Marvel or DC slop. It’s got real personality, something that extends past just being Superman IP. Rachel Brosnahan is fantastic as Lois, Nathan Fillion straight-up steals the whole movie as a hilariously overconfident Green Lantern, and even the dog slaps. I haven’t laughed this much during a superhero movie since the original Guardians of the Galaxy.

But not everything flies. Get it? Flies? Superman? Anyway, despite being a big Nicholas Hoult fan, I thought he was sorely miscast as Lex Luthor. Maybe my judgement is clouded by how goddamn perfect Gene Hackman was, still my pick for the best part of the original movies. Even Kevin Spacey did a better job, not as a human being though. Hoult plays Luthor as more smarmy tech bro than evil genius, and it just didn’t land for me. The other villains are also pretty mid: Metal Girl and Not Bane feel like store brand knock-offs of better villains. The ending kind of fizzles out too, more like a required checkmark than an actual climax. Also, the movie’s probably 15 minutes too long, but whatever.

All that said, I really liked it. I didn’t love it, nothing about it thrilled me, but I liked almost every part of it. The tone is mostly unserious, bright, and completely absurd, but that’s the right approach for this character. Superman’s story is inherently ridiculous, and Gunn leans into that with style instead of shame. I almost forgot to mention that legendary character actor Pruitt Taylor Vince is fantastic as Superman’s dad, and his scene with Corenswet might be the best in the whole movie. Superman isn’t a revelation to the sub-genre, but it’s a highly enjoyable comic book film with heart, humor, and just enough weirdness. I’m giving it a B, not because it did anything wrong, just because it didn’t quite do anything great. Still, a big step in the right direction for the big blue boy scout. Grade: B (In Theaters)

Jurassic World: Rebirth

Jurassic World: Rebirth is, mercifully, a step in the right direction after the whopping dino dung heap that was the previous trilogy. First, it improves the cast by swapping out the nauseating combination of Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard for the far more watchable duo of Jonathan Bailey and Scary Jo. Second, the tone is lighter and far less up its own ass than before. The story, while very straightforward, bordering on remedial, is also far less bloated. Fourth, there are no fucking locusts, little girl clones or Dodgsons in this one. Unfortunately, these major improvements don’t make Jurassic World: Rebirth good, just not terrible. This is a “wait to stream it for free” feature film if I’ve ever seen one.

The stupid plot follows a post-dinosaur-occupied world where humanity is so over dinos. They roam the streets dying of disease, collapsing in traffic, and generally just pissing people off. America has had enough. Meanwhile, people all over the world are still dying of heart disease, something entirely unrelated to dinosaurs being un-extincted. However, one plucky doctor (Jonathan Bailey of Wicked fame) believes he can cure sick hearts if he gets his hands on the DNA of the three biggest dinos on Earth: the water guys, the flying guys, and the dildo necks.

The dildo necks won’t be much of a problem, they’re vegan pacifists, but the water guys and flying guys are going to be difficult, because they’re mean as hell. Unfortunately, a corrupt pharmaceutical company also wants the dino DNA to cash in on the sick-heart market. They send a representative (a very well-cast Rupert Friend) to pair the doctor with a team of mercenaries led by Scary Jo and two-time Academy Award winner Mahershala Ali.

They all get on a boat, and the plan is to extract the dino DNA using syringe bullets that shoot out of a gun, stick into dinos, extract the DNA, and then shoot back out and parachute onto the boat. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t kind of love that.

Less lovable is the decision to split screen time between the A-list trio and a paper-thin subplot about a dumb family consisting of a low-status dad, two daughters, and possibly the worst character in the franchise’s history: the stoner teen boyfriend. Every time the story cuts back to him making jokes about poop or trying to vape near a triceratops nest, I wished a fucking raptor would burst through the screen and eat me in my seat.

While I’m glad it does its best to move away from the dumb locusts, clone orphans, and Dodgsons of the previous trilogy, I wish it took a bigger leap into its own identity. As it stands, it’s an overlong, by-the-numbers adventure flick with one fantastic scene (the dino river chase) buried in the middle of one underwhelming action sequence after another. It’s not terrible, but this entry is barely mediocre, and stands as a strong argument for the series to finally self-extinct. Grade: C- (In Theaters)