Everything I watched from January 1, 2026 – January 31, 2026.

NEW SHIT

Send Help

My buddy and I are both Sam Raimi fans, so we caught this on our Saturday bro date. Basically, Send Help is about a smart, capable, but extremely awkward woman named Linda who works a corporate job where everyone thinks she’s either weird or just a pain in the ass. The bosses are all young, thirty-something Wall Street dudes who play golf, love boobs, and hate women. All they do is make fun of her and give her shit.

During a business flight to Thailand, their plane crashes, and the only two survivors, Linda and the new head boss, Bradley, wash up on a desert island. He immediately starts laying into her, but Linda reminds a seriously injured him that he’s not her boss out here. She is. And he better not fuck around, or he’ll for sure find out. From there, a Misery-esque narrative unfolds, and you get the feeling that Linda doesn’t actually want to be rescued.

Send Help was pretty fun. My buddy liked it more than I did, but I had a few small quibbles with it. First off, while it has a good, simple premise that never overcomplicates itself, I wish some of the creative choices had been a little weirder and meaner. We both wished the movie had been funnier, I think it needed a script punch-up from a comedic writer, but try telling that to the team who wrote Freddy vs. Jason.

Rachel McAdams and Dylan O’Brien are both very good in their roles, and for a movie that’s nearly approaching the two-hour mark, there’s barely any fat on it. In terms of great, simple, cat-and-mouse, two-person thrillers, it’s no Misery. That movie was infinitely more intense, funnier, and dug into much deeper corners of the human psyche. Send Help is merely pretty good, but if you’re squeamish around blood splatter, you’ll probably want to skip it. Grade: B- (In Theaters)

Secret Mall Apartment

Indoor shopping malls fascinate me, especially those from the 1990s and early 2000s. That’s why I pressed play on Secret Mall Apartment, which I kept accidentally calling Shopping Mall Apartment until just recently.

Basically, it’s about a group of arthouse weirdo kids in the early 2000s who found an empty space inside an indoor mall wall and decided to turn it into an apartment. They claimed it was for an art project, but most people think it was really just a place to hang out and talk about art projects. They smuggled a couch up there, along with other furniture—a television, a PlayStation, dining room cabinets, etc.

It’s a fascinating premise, but it never really goes anywhere. In fact, there’s so little story in this barely 90-minute documentary that it veers off into a 20-minute tangent about “tape art” or some shit. That’s all fine and dandy, but I didn’t commit 90 minutes of my weekend to a tape art documentary. Let’s get back to the mall!

Unfortunately, everything plays out in a very underwhelming fashion and ends extremely predictably. I guess the reason I never heard of this story before is because there isn’t much of a story. Great premise, but unlike a lot of Netflix documentaries, it doesn’t have that rabbit hole of insanity you fall through as a viewer.

I don’t even know who I’m criticizing here. I guess I’m criticizing life? Way to go, life. You could have spun random and coincidental circumstances in a far more interesting way that would have made this documentary stellar. But you chose not to, life. You fucker. Grade: C+ (Netflix)

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple

The best thing I’ve seen in theaters this whole month was, by far, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple, the fourth entry in the 28 Days Later franchise. Not only is it the best sequel in the series, it’s the best film of the series, period.

It operates unlike any zombie movie I’ve seen in that it’s far more interested in the long-term psychological effects a zombie apocalypse would have on survivors than in the zombies themselves. My audience at Park West Harkins overwhelmingly didn’t vibe with it, but any movie that features Ralph Fiennes as an eccentric bone doctor getting stoned on morphine with a giant, donkey-dicked zombie while listening to Radiohead instantly has my attention.

Fiennes seriously delivers one of his best performances, and the very talented Jack O’Connell (Sinners, Starred Up) is fascinating as the villain Jimmy, a cult leader and manipulator of children dealing with his own trauma from the outbreak and a bizarre obsession with Teletubbies.

We’re only a month in, but I could absolutely see this snagging a spot on my Top 10 list if 2026 is anything like 2025. Grade: B+ (In Theaters)

The Testament of Ann Lee

From the power couple that brought us The Brutalist comes a historical musical drama about the Shakerism movement. Amanda Seyfried is mesmerizing as Ann Lee, the chosen prophet of this movement, which uses dance to express devotion to Jesus. Basically, they believe the spirit moves through them.

While the musical sequences are stunning, the interstitial drama plays like a very dry PBS reenactment documentary. At around two hours and fifteen minutes, there was a lot of butt shifting, which left me wishing this had been a tight 90-minute musical with no dialogue, just music and wordless acting. Grade: C (In Theaters)

Primate

All this movie had to do was be dumb, and it just wasn’t dumb enough. It was more than enough bland and boring, though. Instead of a self-aware camp fest, we get a smorgasbord of vanilla rich kids, Troy Kotsur, and a really mad chimpanzee making bad decisions no human would ever make.

The chimp is mad with rabies because a bird that had it got into his cage and bit him. Basically, this is a less intense and less threatening Cujo, with an outrageously fun death here and there, but mostly it’s just a paint-by-numbers horror film that neither made me laugh nor wince.

I farted once. Grade: D+ (In Theaters)

Influencers

This is shaping up to be a really fun little horror franchise. The first film, Influencer, introduced a truly psychotic girl, superbly portrayed by Cassandra Naud, who tries to kill an influencer on vacation and steal her identity.

This new one finds that same psycho girl hiding out and waiting to steal the identity of the next influencer who crosses her path. It’s clever in its plot mechanics and has a fantastic sense of humor about itself. In terms of blood and gore, it’s pretty medium, not super intense, but not PG-13 either. There’s a lot of murder, but nothing disgusting.

Both films are solid, but this sequel really improves on everything from the first, which has me excited for a potential Influencer 3 (Influenced? Influence? Influencest? Influ3ncer?). Whatever it’s called, I’m in. Grade: B (Shudder)

Chain Reactions

There are two much better documentaries about The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) on Tubi: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: A Family Portrait (1988) and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: The Shocking Truth (2000). Chain Reactions isn’t so much about the film itself as it is about how four or five different creatives were personally affected by it.

Patton Oswalt has a section that’s pretty interesting. Japanese horror maestro Takashi Miike’s segment is fairly boring, and then there’s a section by Australian film critic Alexandra Heller-Nicholas that’s easily the most interesting twenty minutes of the entire documentary. She focuses on how the movie had a strong visual influence on Australian cinema.

Stephen King has a section that flat-out shouldn’t be there. The dude wants to talk about every movie ever made except The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. If you really love this film and think it’s one of the single most important American movies ever made, you’ll find things to dig here. Otherwise, don’t bother. Grade: C+ (Shudder)

Resurrection

Man, oh man, I haven’t been this violently bored by a movie in ages. Sitting in a theater and watching all 162 minutes of Resurrection is a brutal endurance test that leaves your mind bleeding and your ass broken. I don’t think I’ve ever shifted so much during a movie. My friend even fell asleep.

Basically, it’s an avant-garde art piece with a flimsy science-fiction plot that goes absolutely nowhere. In the future, it’s illegal to dream, and those who do are criminals hunted down by this movie’s version of Blade Runners. Because people don’t dream, they live forever? I dunno. They lay all this out in the first fifteen minutes and then completely abandon it for the rest of the film.

To be fair, those first fifteen minutes are quite astonishing. Patterned after silent movies, it’s a thrilling stylistic throwback and a fascinating way to tell a story. But then it switches into another dream about two film noir detectives that is just a crushing bore. Each dream layer after that ranges from “Wow, this is slow” to “Jesus Christ, kill me.”

There’s a somewhat interesting middle section about a telekinetic boy helping his card-shark dad that also goes absolutely nowhere. After that, the second half becomes an even bigger slog. This is especially frustrating because the movie is gorgeous to look at. It’s beautifully designed, and there’s clearly a ton of talent behind it, but it ultimately turns into a movie living up its own ass where none of the characters or narrative matters.

Surely there’s a more interesting story to be told with these visuals. This is exactly the kind of movie people think of when someone says “pretentious art film.” Grade: D (In Theaters)

OLD SHIT

The Conformist (1970)

The best discovery of the month for me is Bernardo Bertolucci’s 1970 antifascist thriller, The Conformist. It’s 1938 in Paris, and the slimiest weasel imaginable, played rivetingly by Jean-Louis Trintignant, has been drafted by fascist Italian politicians to take out a former college professor (Enzo Tarascio) for being a liberal or something.

He travels to Paris with his dim wife (Stefania Sandrelli) under false pretenses and ends up awkwardly romancing his target’s ballet-teacher wife (Dominique Sanda). The movie is interesting and engaging from start to finish, featuring some of the most beautiful cinematography I’ve ever seen from Vittorio Storaro. You can clearly see its influence on everything from The Godfather to One Battle After Another.

There’s also a lot of humor in how the film portrays fascists in power. Much like One Battle After Another, they’re depicted as live-action cartoons: big, loud, ridiculous men shouting nonsense. One guy even has a table literally covered, inch to inch, in walnuts he’s been cracking all day. They, along with the lead, are portrayed as easily rattled cowards, driven entirely by fear, and quick to turn on each other the moment they’re backed into a corner. Grade: A- ($3.99 digital rental)

House Party (1990)

I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did, but I had a freakin’ blast watching 1990’s House Party, starring Kid ’n Play. It’s about a massive house party with a bunch of wacky characters, and there’s not much else to say beyond that.

There are some great character performances here, especially from the legendary Robin Harris as Kid’s dad and John Witherspoon as the next-door neighbor who keeps calling the cops. There’s some tired homophobic material here and there, along with outdated gender politics, but for the most part it’s a very good-natured, warm-hearted comedy about two nice dudes trying to live their best lives. Grade: B+ ($3.99 digital rental)

Fat City (1972)

Sad to say, this is only the second John Huston–directed movie I’ve ever seen, the first being Prizzi’s Honor, a mob comedy starring Jack Nicholson and Kathleen Turner that’s generally thought of as a minor effort from the legendary filmmaker.

Fat City, on the other hand, is wildly acclaimed, and for good reason. It’s a terrifically downbeat and realistic drama about two boxers: one on his way out, Bill Tully (a fantastic Stacy Keach), and one on his way up, Ernie Munger (a very young Jeff Bridges). As Ernie trains, Bill sinks deeper into alcoholism, especially after he starts dating the town bar’s resident drunk, Oma (Susan Tyrell, who absolutely runs away with the movie).

The film is deliberately paced but never boring, and it builds to a perfectly bleak little ending. Grade: A- ($3.99 digital rental)

Next of Kin (1982)

Slow-paced but beautifully atmospheric, this is a very clever Australian horror film about a seemingly haunted retirement community. After her estranged mother’s death, Linda (Jackie Kevan) inherits the community and must decide what to do with it.

While staying there, she begins to feel a presence stalking her. That’s pretty much it, but there’s some really ingenious camera work, and it’s legitimately scary in parts. Quentin Tarantino loves this movie, but he also loves Anything Else starring Jason Biggs, so that doesn’t mean much. Grade: B (Tubi)

Joe (1970)

Stylistically, Joe is very much a product of its time, capturing the transition from the 1960s to the 1970s. Peter Boyle plays the titular Joe, a blue-collar, ignorant racist who loves ranting about blacks, Jews, and hispanics at the neighborhood bar.

One night, he bumps into another racist scumbag. This one is more educated and cultured, doesn’t shoot his mouth off, and doesn’t drink, but is a racist scumbag all the same. He’s a wealthy family man who has just murdered the boyfriend of his runaway, drug-addled daughter (a very young Susan Sarandon). The WASP confides in Joe, and the two form a friendship based on common enemies.

That friendship evolves into them literally becoming a hippie hit squad, killing as many druggies as they can, before the film lands on an abrupt and shocking note. I get what this movie is trying to do, and Peter Boyle’s performance is masterful, but it ultimately doesn’t give its themes the seriousness they deserve and ends up feeling more like an exploitation movie. Grade: C+ (Tubi)

Spookies (1986)

Wanted to watch a Joe Bob Briggs episode, so I picked the one with this movie. It’s really not very good, but the blood, sweat, tears, and passion are all there on screen, even if they’re more than a bit misguided.

There’s a lot of bizarre, gooey balooey in this. I didn’t think it was nearly as unwatchable as my roommate did, but Joe Bob at least had a lot of interesting things to say about the movie. Grade: C+ (Tubi & Shudder)

REWATCHED SHIT

I started out the month with a strong feeling that I wanted to rewatch The Sopranos (A+). It had been five years since my last rewatch, and I had promised myself it would be at least five years before I did it again. So, on the first Saturday of 2026, I watched the entire first season of The Sopranos, all 13 episodes, and have slowly worked my way through Season 2 and 84.62% of Season 3.

I don’t even know what to say at this point. It’s the single greatest achievement in television history. It is the funniest drama of all time, the most balls-to-the-walls entertaining, and also the deepest and most philosophical show ever if you choose to examine it like Dr. Melfi would. It’s able to weaves subtle themes into its narrative in a way television simply didn’t do before 1999. STOP. Don’t give me this Twin Peaks shit, because while that is another excellent show, The Sopranos broke ground in ways that show just couldn’t.

I also started watching this fascinating old Bravo show on Tubi and PlutoTV called Celebrity Ghost Stories (YES!). It is basically a bunch of celebrities, none of them enormous, recounting real-life ghost encounters. Several Sopranos cast members appear, including Janice, Christopher, Johnny Sack, Furio, Artie Bucco, and probably more. Regis Philbin tells a story where a ghost jumps out and he yells, “LEAPIN’ LIZARDS!”. Joan Rivers, Tom Green, Laura Prepon, George Wendt, Mykelti Williamson, Diane Ladd, David Carradine, Carrie Fisher, John Waters, Dee Snider, Eric Roberts, Rue McClanahan, Tom Arnold, Nia Long, Ernie Hudson, Gina Gershon, Cheri Oteri, Billy Dee Williams. Interested yet? Also Ralph Cifaretto from The Sopranos. Interested?

As far as movies go, I started the new year with one of Denzel Washington’s best performances as the drunk airplane hero in Robert Zemeckis’ Flight (B). It’s a really good movie for a while, but then it gets pretty ham-fisted and preachy toward the end. No fault of Denzel, who absolutely slaps in this. Bonus praise to John Goodman as Denzel’s drug dealer, who is a joy to watch in literally everything.

I doubled down on Denzel and watched Spike Lee’s Inside Man (B+), an even better movie about a bank heist. This is one of Spike’s best films, and the only one where that sped-up walk or run shot of a character actually works. I also love the Indian music throughout, even though I don’t really know what the reference is, especially since no major character in the movie is Indian. I finished the night by revisiting If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (B+) to see if it was as good as I remembered, and it was. In fact, it landed at number ten on my Top 10 Films of 2025 list.

Before seeing Bone Temple, I rewatched 28 Years Later… (B) and liked it even more than I did initially. I followed that with another gory horror flick, but this one was way, way, way, way, way stupider and clunkier. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (B) is a fun, ridiculous, wild ride that only could have been made under a studio like Cannon in the 1980s. It is a childhood classic for me.

I also bought and watched a 4K remastered version of Kevin Smith’s Dogma (B+), which I still consider his best film alongside the original Clerks. It had been out of print for forever, so I’m stoked it’s back in the realm of available pop culture as of a couple of months ago.

The Seagal bug bit me on the taint one weekend, because I watched not one but two of his movies: Marked for Death (C+) and Under Siege (B-). Under Siege, his most commercially successful and critically acclaimed film, follows a chef who must fight domestic terrorists aboard a Navy battleship. Tommy Lee Jones plays the terrorist ringleader and is completely unhinged, but even more unhinged is his number two, Gary Busey, who appears in drag at one point for no apparent reason.

Marked for Death is a much clumsier production, with Seagal playing a cop battling a Jamaican street gang that decapitates people and uses voodoo. It’s exactly as tasteful as it sounds.

I also got bit by the Oliver Stone bug and rewatched two of his films, one of his best, JFK (A-), and one of his not best, Natural Born Killers (C+). Whether it’s built on facts or pure bullshit, you cannot deny the spectacular entertainment value of JFK. For a movie well over three hours long, it moves so quickly through its central conspiracy that it damn near feels like 90 minutes. I usually can’t stand Kevin Costner, but this is one of the few films where I think he’s well cast.

Natural Born Killers, on the other hand, is under two hours but feels like three. It assaults the viewer with a barrage of bizarre, mostly violent images and sounds, and it hits you with its themes so hard that you want to scream at Oliver Stone through the television, “I get it, please stop!” The real shame is that despite having nothing unique or useful to say about violence or the way the media glorifies it in this country, the film has wall-to-wall riveting performances. Woody Harrelson, Juliette Lewis, Tom Sizemore, Tommy Lee Jones, Rodney Dangerfield, and Robert Downey Jr. are all entertaining as fuck. Even though Jones and Downey leap straight into caricature territory, these performances are the only reason the movie is worth checking out at all.

Then I pivoted to two masterpieces: Andrew Haigh’s All of Us Strangers (A) and David Fincher’s Zodiac (A). I showed All of Us Strangers to one of my best friends for the first time, and while I admit he is a very emotional boy, he wept like a baby. It is a beautiful, devastating film about loss and about taking chances on love. Andrew Scott gives one of the best performances of the 21st century, and the fact that he wasn’t nominated for an Oscar is completely bananas.

My rewatch of Zodiac was prompted by the latest Rewatchables podcast. I had not seen it since deep in the heart of the 2020 pandemic, when I think I was staying at my parents’ cabin in Munds Park. I have seen this movie several times, and I think this was my seventh viewing overall. It only gets better every time. I still believe The Social Network is Fincher’s best film, but Zodiac might be his best-directed and most meticulously assembled. You can feel thousands of hours of tireless work in every frame.

Finally, I closed out the month with two forgotten 90s horror films: The Relic (C+) and Wishmaster (D+). The Relic at least has a cool monster design and decent leads in Tom Sizemore and Penelope Ann Miller. The problem is that the spirit of Gordon Willis haunted the production and made almost every frame way too dark. Even the daylight scenes had me squinting. There is a difference between mood lighting and needing to buy new fucking lights. Jesus.

The Relic, however, is still leagues better than Wishmaster, which, aside from a solid Djinn design and a fun Andrew Divoff performance, feels like a movie cobbled together by horror fans one afternoon at a convention. It’s a piece of shit, but it’s so unashamedly stupid throughout that it becomes compulsively watchable.

That’s it for January, see you in a month where I talk about Kramer vs. Kramer, The Voice of Hind Rajab, The Matrix, Ice Cream Man, and more.